Blog Posts Updated Every Wednesday and Friday

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Gay Days

This weekend marks the beginning of Pride Week in Vancouver and being the hag that I am, I'd love nothing better than to be watching the parade this Sunday because it's absolutely dragalicious! This of course reminds me of a previous Pride Week that I spent with an ex-boyfriend and his parents - Ay Caramba!

After a day of lazing and picnicking on the beach, the four of us decided to head out for dinner. Now before I go any further, let me just say that I assumed that my ex-boyfriend's parents were well familiar with identifying gay men as their son lived in Vancouver's West End, an area known for its "substantial gay population" (it even says so on Wikipedia - check it out!), but it never occurred to me that they weren’t familiar with lesbians. Anyways, we opted to escape the hullabaloo of the West End and wouldn’t you know it, we ended up at Stella’s (Belgian eatery – so good!) on Commercial Drive, an area of Vancouver that’s popular with the lesbian community.

Now seeing as it was Pride Week, business was a boomin’ chez Stella’s, with loads of gals and their gal pals enjoying themselves. Ex-boyfriend’s mother noticed there were a lot of single women in place and of course she couldn’t help but wonder out loud why this was so. This is the point where you may want to stamp the word “Sucker” on my forehead because I took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

“Well, Mrs. Ex-Boyfriend’s Mom, I think a lot of these women may be, uhhh, lesbians.” I said discreetly.

“Really?” she exclaimed. “How can you tell?” Let me just say that she had a strong French accent and she wasn’t discreet at the best of times. Shit. It was also at this point that I realized that my ex had been signalling at me to not engage her in this conversation because it would just end badly. Double shit. Oh well, in for a penny…

“Well, Mrs. Ex-Boyfriend’s Mom, a lot of times they’re not quite as, uhhhh, feminine as other women.” Before I go any further, I must tell you that I fully recognize that not all lesbians are butchy; I was just trying to simplify things for her.

“That one over there,” she exclaimed in a booming voice while gesturing wildly, “she has short hair and a bum like a man, IS SHE A LESBIAN????!!!!?????” Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!! Yeah, there was nothing discreet about her. Right there, that was the moment that my ex gave me that “you’re on your own” look and decided to sit back and enjoy the show. What a dick. Okay, I would have done the same.

For the rest of the evening her gaydar was on overdrive, with her pointing and yelling “IS THAT A LESBIAN????!!!!????” each time she saw a woman with short hair. Yeah, she even did this as we were drivng down the street with the windows rolled down. It wasn’t long before I was curled in the fetal position, muttering “I don’t know” over and over again.

I guess the moral of this story is to avoid going anywhere in Vancouver with parents during Pride Week because it most likely will not end well. If you do take part in the festivities, play safe but have fun!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Where's Barbara Eden When You Need Her?

When I was a kid I'd flick on the TV as soon as I got home.  Gilligan's Island, The Monkeys, The Brady Bunch, and I Dream of Jeannie provided me with endless hours of entertainment.  I didn't care if I had already seen the same episode a million times already because it was just as good as the first time.

I thought Jeannie was the coolest - she totally rocked out her harem outfit, she had super-fine digs (I'd totally live in a bottle if it was decked out like hers), and she could do magic!  The one thing I didn't understand about her was her choice in men.  Granted, we've all made questionable choices when it comes to dating, and Major Nelson did rescue her but seriously, he was extra douchie!!!

But I digress...

Oh what I would give to have Jeannie's magic powers right now!  Work and school have been keeping me occupied so I haven't been as diligent about picking up after myself.  Okay, let's be honest, I HATE housework!!!  Did I mention that I HATE housework?  I simply cannot overstate this fact. 

I've tried crossing my arms and blinking but it still doesn't make this place any tidier.  Every time I go out I make a wish that cleaning fairies will come by while I'm gone and make my home all sparkly-bright and lemony-fresh.  The reality is that every time I come home I let out a little shriek because my place looks the same as when I left (and not in a good way).

I do have a cleaning lady but having her come by right now would be just cruel.  Fingers crossed that I'll be able to pick up the bigger chunks this weekend so that I'll be able to have her come by in the next week or two.  In the meantime, please cross your arms and blink for me.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Cue me, singing...

At long last, school is finally over!

As to be expected, my last day of school didn't quite go as planned.  Halfway to the bus stop I began to wonder if I put on deodorant.  Ever the lady, there I was in the middle of the sidewalk feeling my pits.  Nice, right?  I picked the perfect day to wear odourless, colourless, TEXTURELESS deodorant.  Needless to say I had to do a little shopping during my break.  I still don't know if I put any on that morning.

That morning we had our Computer Science final, although I'm convinced the exam was meant for a different class.  To all my classmates, I'm still pissed that we had Computer Science with Buck Rogers and all of his magnets instead of Philosphy, but I have to admit that Facebook was all the better for his class.  I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations on there during his lectures, especially the one about Peanuts - the similarities were frightening!

It was my good fortune to begin and end this educational journey with my favourite prof.  I cannot say enough about her so I'll just summarize and say that she's the best.  As an added bonus, on my final weekend of classes I was treated to the most amazing presentations by my classmates.  Such courage, such heart, such humour; I tip my hat to all of you. 

True to form, we topped things off by tipping back some champagne and talked about what long strange trip it's been.  I received the loveliest compliments from one of my classmates and my prof - just wish my memory wasn't so dulled from the champagne (I also wish hadn't spilled champagne down my prof's back when she gave me a hug - sorry!).

I'd like to say that I'm now on to a whole new set of adventures now but I'm afraid that's going to have to wait for the time being as my siblings and I are looking after our mother who recently (try the same day as my last day of school)  managed to put herself into a wheelchair with a broken knee cap (ouch!).

Apparently I'm very wicked 'cause there'll be no rest for me!!!  

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The heat is on.  Boy, is it on.  Temperatures have been high lately and my last day of school is one week from today.  I am so screwed!  I have to complete a paper (at least 15 pages, thank you very much), do 2 presentations, do a 1 page summary for one of the presentations, and study for an exam.  Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up on my couch and take a nap.  On the plus side, I'm pleased to report that my newly acquired AC is working like a dream - woot woot!

The good news is that I FINALLY have a  topic for my final paper - hooray for me!  Apparently what I want to be when I grow up is a writer.  Who knew?  I know, it's a shock to me too! 

So what does that mean?  Well, I will endeavour to write something here at least a few times per week as I flesh out what being a writer means to me and what direction I indend to take my writing.  Expect to hear about the daily goings on in my life, pet peeve lists, and whatever else takes my fancy.

In the meantime, can someone please tell me how I can stop following my blog?  Yeah, don't ask how that happened in the first place.  While I'd like to have many followers, I'd like to remove my name (You Art to Know) from the list as it looks a tad bit narcissistic, even for me.  Yes, I know my favourite saying is "It's all about me." , but c'mon.